Originally posted by electrifymybrain-blog
The only NYE resolutions I’ve completed were work-related yearly goals. In my personal life, I have no such things to boast of. I’ve wanted to learn another language, but the lessons fell by the wayside. Real life got in the way of imagined trips to Mexico or Spain.
This upcoming year, I’m training myself to get back into real writing. I used to share stories live on stage. Real triumph was seeing people laugh and smile as they related to my tales. So, I signed up for a course that would help me learn to use my words again.
My biggest roadblock is fear itself. When I spin a tale, I stop midway and think that no one would want to hear it. Or someone else has done it before, but better. Or my experience is not so unique or special. But if I overcame fear, I’d be free. If not, I could continue as always and always live half-alive.
Lack of time, lack of energy. It’s too late, there’s always tomorrow. I regret it every time, yet I do it again the next day because life is still too long for me. I don’t yet feel the pain of dying and wasting breath.
Finally, there’s the low hum of anxiety. When I’m happy, my mind offers up a thought-should I be happy? Why…there are so many things to do and so many times I’ve given up. It’s a work in progress, and failure is going to be part of this.
Originally published at https://kyladelrosario.com on December 28, 2020.
